Singapore.

I’m writing this in a hotel room in Singapore. Lynne and I have just arrived after a long journey by bus. Yes, you heard correctly, bus! Dan flew out to Perth on Saturday morning to spend the week with his daughter Avari. So Lynne and I decided what better time to visit Singapore. Having looked at prices of flights which were coming out at more than 400 Malaysian Ringets each (about £78) not to mention more than 200 MYR for the journey to and from the airport we decided to look at the Aeroline bus service which runs from KL to Singapore direct. We found that it would cost the equivalent of £72 for both of us and that’s return! Of course there were the standard obligatory jokes about having chickens and goats on your lap for the duration of the journey but it was actually nothing like that as you’ll find out if you can manage to get to the end of this blog.

First of all we booked the trip a week ago after deciding that this week would be an ideal time to go as Dan was going to be away for the week too. One of our first considerations was that we would have no cost efficient way to use our phones. The SIM cards we both use in KL are on Dans tariff, so happily, don’t cost us a penny. However it seemed that using those SIM cards in Singapore would cost Dan a small fortune times two! Consequently he recommended we get whats called a Roaming Man device which we could both connect to. I know what you’re thinking, couldn’t you possibly do without phones for four days? Well yes, I suppose so but being in a huge new city without the benefit of Google Maps and being able to use the the Grab taxi system just didn’t bare thinking about. Unfortunately, the only place you can pick up the Roaming man device is at the airport. So we decided that as it would cost 220 MYR for us both to get there and back on the train that I would go on my own while Lynne went shopping. Yeah, some deal eh! On Saturday I placed the order for the device online and the cost was 60 MYR for 5 days wifi and the plan was for me to go and pick it up on Sunday. When we got to the station on Sunday and asked for a ticket to the airport the attendant informed us that there was a special deal and we could get to the airport by train and bus for 10 MYR. This seemed like too good a deal to pass up so we decided both of us would go whilst congratulating ourselves on how much money we’d saved. Off we went with tokens for the train and tickets for the bus.

Having left the apartment at 11.00 am we had expected to be back by about 1.30 pm. The cheaper option which we had gleefully taken without really thinking it through had us arriving back at Dan’s apartment at roughly 4.45pm. Yes, that’s right. What felt like a full day sat on trains and a rickety (new) bus just to save about £12. You wouldn’t have thought you could have such a thing as a rickety new bus would you? Well, they do in KL. That wasn’t the worst of it though as the train journey, which is the same train we use most days but to the very end of the line, seemed to last forever. In actual fact it was an hour and 20 minutes. The return journey on the train took the biscuit though. Three stops into the journey a young Malaysian couple got on with a young child roughly about four years old who had just found she could squeal and break glass with the noise. This went on for most of the journey which lasted for over an hour. The mother was intent on sitting sideways on the seat and trying to sleep while her husband never looked up from his phone. This guy could have had his own wifi transmitter his ears were that big. I’m sure he could have given Jodrell bank a run for its money. Things went from bad to worse as the child (bless) ran screeching up and down the carriage whilst being totally ignored by her seemingly indifferent parents. As we were getting closer to the city the train was beginning to fill up and when an Indian woman came and had the audacity to sit in the end one of the five seats this 2.4 man family had been taking up, the little girl pouted brattishly and ran to daddy who merely continued to ignore her.

I just couldn’t believe the arrogance (or ignorance?) of this couple. When the Indian lady sat down the mother decided it would be a good idea to sit cross legged on the seat so her knees protruded into the space of the seats either side of her in spite of the fact that there was now someone sitting in one of them. I sat there wondering what Malaysian prisons would be like as I was now considering strangling either the mother or the child. Old big ears might even have looked up from his phone had I taken either option! Thankfully they exited the train at KLCC so we had the last ten minutes of the journey in comparative peace. Once back at the apartment we set about packing for the trip to Singapore the following day at 9.00am.

Monday dawned and we were up at 6.00 to give Lynne plenty of fannying about time before leaving to get to the Corus Hotel in the city which is where the bus leaves from. Fanny about she did, but we still managed to call a Grab and get to the hotel and check in for our bus ride in plenty of time. As soon as we got on the bus we could see how luxurious it was. Our seats were upstairs and at the very back of the bus, so we had space behind the seats for hand luggage, ie, my camera bag which weighed in at half a ton. As soon as I sat down in the comfy leather reclining seat I knew we were going to enjoy this trip. There was so much leg room that I could barely reach the seat in front of me. (I know, I’m a short arse!) We set off at about 9.15 am. Progress was slow at first as the bus made it’s way though rush hour traffic. Rush hour in KL is slightly manic. The amount of traffic entering the city has to be seen to be believed. At every traffic light you would see the cars waiting patiently for the light to change with anything up to 30 or more motorbikes which have made their way to the front. Motorbikes are everywhere and the way they ride you feel it’s a miracle there aren’t hundreds of fatalities every day. As we left the city behind the urbanisation slowly gave way to forestation. I sat happily watching the world go by looking out for landscape photography locations which I knew I’d never have the chance to get to but enjoyed spotting them nevertheless! We travelled for hours, seeing nothing but trees all the way. I have no idea what type of trees, are there Oaks Birch or Beech in Malaysia? Not a clue but whatever they were they stretched as far as the eye could see. Every now and then there would be a couple of miles where there were nothing but Palm trees but during the entire journey I never saw anything remotely like a town or even a small village. Once in awhile there would be a parcel of land cleared and building works going on which would clearly be large housing developments. This raised the obvious question in my mind about where the rest of the infrastructure was. I mean, you run out of noodles or roti bread, where on earth do you go? There’s nothing else for miles around! Ah well, their problem, not mine. Sitting in the two seats in front of Lynne and myself were an old Japanese couple. Anyone who has read any of my blogs before will know exactly how much I love the Japanese. NOT! They’re not so bad when they’re not in a gang and these two weren’t hurting anyone but the old man had a strange habit of coughing every now and then which was quite loud and had me wondering for a moment whether someone had smuggled an asthmatic sea lion on board. However that all stopped as soon as he fell asleep and started snoring. Having worked with a few people who would put their heads back at lunch time and fall asleep, I’ve seen my share of top rate snorer’s (You know who you are, Martin Wren) but this bloke had them all beat. Unfortunately it was quite a snotty snore and as such was pretty unpleasant to listen to. Still, that’s the beauty of public transport and there’s only so many people you can strangle!

The service on the bus was excellent. A very nice young man (oooh er missus) attended to all our needs. We both had drinks, coffee for me and hot chocolate for Lynne. Each drink came with it’s own little stirrer which had what I can only describe as a tiny spoon on the end. I watched Lynne dip her tiny spoon in the chocolate drink, take it out and move it to her mouth to lick it. Why you would do that instead of just drinking from the cup I don’t know because inevitably a drop of dark brown chocolate dropped from the tiny spoon onto her light coloured top. Years ago when Lynne and I first met there was a woman who lived in Lynne’s street whose name was Carol Bradley. Whenever you saw her whether she was wearing a dress or a top of some sort, it didn’t really matter, there would always be gravy stains down the front of whatever garment she had on that particular day. I’m sure Lynne has spent the last 30 years desperately trying to emulate Carol Bradley! Thankfully she’s always fallen short but still definitely has her days!

The bus stopped for a break about half way and that was when I realised I’d left my posh umbrella at the Corus Hotel. A brief panic ensued (it’s an expensive umbrella and a gift from Dan) but I spoke to the attendant on the bus and he suggested I call the help desk which I think was at the hotel anyway. I didn’t hold out much hope but gave them a call anyway. I spoke to a young woman on the phone and it took a couple of minutes for her to understand what I was trying to say. I felt a bit like Michelle Dubois from Allo Allo when she would say “listen carefully I shall say this only once”. Probably not a good idea for me to feel like her, I’d never stop playing with myself! Anyway, I digress!! Eventually the young lady understood what I was saying and said she would find out if the umbrella had been found and would call me back. Ringing off I never really thought there was much chance that she would find it let alone call me back but within ten minutes she did call and said that the umbrella was there and I would be able to pick it up on Friday when we return. Brilliant, what a relief!

Moving on, we had two stops for immigration checks, the first was the Malaysian border authority. We all had to disembark and wait in line while they checked passports. When It came my turn the young lady looked at my passport. At this point I should explain that due to Lynne’s incompetence my passport had been through the washing machine the previous day as it was in the pocket of a pair of my shorts. Although it was now dry, most of the pages were slightly crinkly and the ink on some of the previous stamps had run. The young lady official who was inspecting the passport, looked at me and said “what’s wrong with this?” to which I replied “it got wet”. She gave me a small smile that just said “you stupid Engish wanker” and then asked her colleague something in Malay whilst showing her the passport. After another minute or so they decided amongst themselves that they would be quite happy for me to leave their illustrious country and on we went.

The next stop was at Singapore immigration where we had to put all our bags through a scanner with me seemingly the only person asked to open my bag. They seemed to think I would be carrying walkie talkies and a drone for some reason. I managed to convince them I wasn’t by practically emptying the bag. Once through there we stood in a long line of people waiting to go through yet another  passport check. As we waited in the zig zag queue an Australian woman asked Lynne where we were from and seemed to have the idea that we were Aussies ourselves. We soon put her straight on that notion. No convicts in our family, cobber! It was a man who checked my passport this time and he didn’t seem fazed by my crinkly passport at all so finally we were in Singapore. By now it was about 3.30 pm and the whole trip had taken near enough six and a quarter hours but in spite of the long time had been a thoroughly enjoyable and relaxing experience even with old snotty snore in the seat in front. It took another half hour to reach our final destination and after leaving the bus it took us 15 minutes or so to find our bearings before ordering a Grab to take us to the hotel. Arriving at the hotel at around 4.45 pm we checked in to what was a fairly small but comfortable room at the Park Regis Singapore.  I had wondered fleetingly whether or not we might bump into the Australian couple around the city bearing in mind how big a city it is. Imagine our surprise when as we were checking in, there they were, checking in right next to us!

After quickly unpacking, we went out and within ten minutes walk we were in an area called Clarke Quay. Restaurants and bars galore with music blaring from most of the bars all added to a lively atmosphere and we walked round trying to decide where to eat. We settled on an Indonesian restaurant and both ordered Barbecued Squid which turned out to be delicious. I couldn’t resist showing my class whilst eating, much to Lynne’s embarrassment.

So, all in all a thoroughly enjoyable day of travelling which took probably three times as long as flying would have but was ultimately nowhere near as stressful as flying. Its something we would happily do again if travelling a similar distance from KL and the other bonus is the money we saved. Our first walk around the streets of Singapore was hugely enjoyable too so I’m looking forward to the next three days and with lots to go and photograph I’m hoping to make up for the lack of images in this blog over the next few days!